First of all the final crit for the Realise project was amazing to see what everyone else has been up to and worked on. There were many interesting and different ideas and works presented and it really emphasised to me once again how different we all are and how that is good. How we can all learn a bit from each other. How everyone has different ways of thinking (which, don’t even get me started on. I might write a bit about thinking in a future post, just because the idea that other people don’t think or visualise like I do, while it of course makes sense as we are all different people, really, pardons my language, fuck with my mind). Particular works that stood out to me were Victoria’s AutumnWalk children’s book, not only because it looked fantastic, but mostly because her enthusiasm and passion for the project really shone through in her presentation. Caio’s t-shirts were amazing too! (I want one!) I do have a particular weakness for animation, so Tong’s film was really amazing to see. It also provided an interesting idea of how we are formed by the objects in our lives, but are also objects ourselves. Theresa’s work has so much time and effort put into them, they are simply jaw-dropping.
Second of all the crit had me fumbling a lot explaining my ideas and work, so apologies for that. But overall, I think my presentation went really well. I’m glad so many people liked my work and apparently ‘got’ it and the ideas and potential it presented. The feedback I got was really positive and so incredibly encouraging ♡
The main point of feedback I got was from Cato in that I should really consider the format I want my project to take. It is something that I considered myself as well, as Instagram, while a large platform, does have its own advantages and disadvantages. Namely, it is mainly picture focused, so any text or caption I add might likely get lost, especially a long format of writing. It also has a temporality to it, where, once you scroll past, it gets lost and forgotten. A zine on the other hand has a physicality to it that lends attention to the print. It allows for a more text based form of communication. With those in mind, the zine wouldbe the preferred format to use, but I also wanted the posts/parts to have an almost blog like structure or feeling to them, especially as the project is interesting enough to me to continue even after the course is finished. Almost like a weekly topic of discussion, which a zine might not be able to emulate well. Most of all the images and text are a way of me sorting out my own feelings on my identity and learning more about what it means to be anything. But I also want them to be launch pads for discussion, to ask people the same questions I ask myself and have them contemplate their own identities. Kyung Hwa suggested that if possible, I should pursue both forms of distribution and I think I will try to that.
I also got compliments for the colour palette I chose to utilise in the comics for which I am grateful for. Especially coming from communications people, it meant a lot. I also got a few compliments for my drawings which I can’t take tooo much credit for as most were traced from my images (selfies) *shy emoji* Nonetheless it was so nice to hear ♡ Kyung Hwa commented how the imagery is striking in the fact it was both personal and unique, but also in a sense very generic, which I will say I hoped would come across, as I wanted the images to be very typically Instagram-esque, something anything can think of when asked to think of aspects of their identity, but also personal to me and what I would want to post and share myself (of myself).
I wish I had been a bit more motivated throughout the project to actually work on it (perhaps I feel envious of Victoria in a sense, as she was so fired up by her own project), but I think the essay, not being entirely sure what I wanted to do for the project in the first half, considering whether or not to pursue a Masters right after finishing the course, and the looming inevitability of the near future, all those made me go into denial strongly. With stresses from multiple sides pressing on me, I resorted to the notion of not doing anything instead (or at least nothing course related, I still constructed a bookcase, tidied my room, picked up my friend from the airport, organised a fan event etc. etc.) *insert comic of being focused on something else* It was only in the last two weeks that I really was able to do anything, but once I did it was amazing and fired me up! Now I just gotta finish up my drawings and writings!
This blog post might not be per say relevant to the course, but it is relevant to my topic for this project. During the acting workshop our instructor said that acting is just showing a part of the infinite magnificent creature that is you. You are capable of and are anything and in acting you just show a small part of that. Which is why one can’t put on a mask when you’re already putting on a mask. (e.g. asking someone who has the ‘nice’ mask on to act as something else won’t work, as you’ll end up with a flat image of a flat image).
It was intriguing how my topic of the question who am I was put so in the forefront during the workshop. I will admit I ended up crying as I am not good at roleplaying or acting. I was wondering if I too am wearing a mask, which is why I can’t act. Simultaneously, I considered how in public, in everyday life I have no qualms acting, as in those moments, it isn’t acting: it’s just me. If I dance my way through Waterloo, it is I who dance through Waterloo. But if asked to act that I am dancing through Waterloo, I think I would end up struggling. We were asked to consider making a journey on public transport acting 50% like an animal. At any given moment I can think to act more snakelike or tiger-like and I won’t struggle, but ask me to act snakelike or tiger-like in class and I’ll clam up. Is it the prospect of expectations that makes me fail? I wonder.
The tutorial was really helpful in giving me a bit more direction with what I want to do and to be critical of what I am doing and why.
I have also decided that, since it seems this one project will be bigger and more expansive than I originally thought, that I will focus on this one bit and scrap the letters to past selves and other works for now to fully focus on this, as it will require a lot of insight, research, reading, and, as always, writing.
I do want to say that I feel really fired up and inspired by this project. I think it is a perfect blend between personal, creative, and critical writing.
The lecture on Friday by Yutaka Inagawa inspired me in a somewhat unexpected way. Or I was inspired during the lecture at least.
I am considering posting the comic I drew on my identities on Instagram. Each post will be one of the panels and the caption will include a (somewhat) short bit of writing on my thoughts about that identity and some links to sources regarding that aspect of identity (or the quiz I took). I think that format would be an amazing blend of creativity in the form of drawings, a longer mode of writing to allow me to say whatever I want, as well as a showcase of some further academic research. There are drawbacks to the format though, but I think the positives might outweigh the negatives (and in fact, even support my theory).
Research
‘Queer: A Graphic History’ by Meg-John Barker and Julia Scheele (for their use of references) (essay-esque comic)
As I am still unsure what my final outcome or outcomes will be, preparing the elevator pitch was a difficult task for me. Looking back on the feedback from Project Investigate, I identified ideas that were interesting and I wanted to expand more on and explore more. I also identified new ways of expressing oneself and that brought me at a bit of a crossroads, as I wasn’t sure whether to work on those more or focus on refining ideas and works from Investigate. In the end I have decided to focus on refining work, rather than experimenting with new things like performance or choreography, so as to actually be able to produce resolved works at the end of the project. I shall however keep those in mind for potential future works, as it does seem exciting, unique, personal, and interesting.
My statement of intent
(I screwed up my first drafts and ran out of A1 paper, so had to resort to taping together A4 pieces of paper ^,^”)
The only thing I felt I was missing in my SOI was an image of how my comic draft looks like in order to visualise my idea. That would have cleared up some things, as I didn’t have time to explain the comic fully within the 1 minute of the pitch. As for the structure of my SOI, I wanted it to follow my own thought process a bit more, rather than follow more of a ‘headline – text’ structure.
EVALUATION FEEDBACK TASKS
Following your elevator pitch you are to record, evaluate and analyse the feedback you have received. Go back to your SOI and make additions and changes in response.
I have sorted the post-it feedback into the following categories:
encouragements
Thank you for the encouraging words everyone, I really appreciate it ♡ Especially the A4 puzzle comment :’)
Will definitely check all of the recommendations out!
Book: André Breton’s ‘Nadja’
The book starts with the question ‘Who am I?’, the question at the heart of my project. It’s a semi-autobiographical surrealist novel.
Read: Asteryos Polyp
A graphic novel by David Mazzucchelli. From Wikipedia (the most reliable source of information): “Ultimately, the book raises questions about how a person becomes who and what he is.” The style and use of colours is super appealing to me, so I will most definitely check it out! Thank you for the recommendation! (Also, I’m always open for more recommendations for graphic novels.)
Artist: Sophie Calle
This bit of biography on her certainly sparks my interest. Especially the aspect about the blurred lines between the intimate and public.
“Sophie Calle is a French artist who has exhibited extensively throughout the world since the late 1970s. Variously described as a conceptual artist, a photographer, a movie director, and even a detective, she has developed a practice that is instantly recognizable for its distinct narrative elements and frequent combination of images with text. Each of her projects can be seen as a chapter in a vast overall volume of references and echoes, in which Calle often blurs the boundaries between the intimate and the public, reality and fiction, art and life. Her work methodically orchestrates an unveiling of reality—her own and that of others—while allocating a controlled part of this reality to chance.”
“Idea! Interview people around you (parents + childhood friends). Work with memories.”
I did think about doing that, to see how they view me and who they think I am and compare and contrast it with how I perceive myself. It is said that a different you lives inside every person. So, I think I might do that over the Christmas break when I’m back home.
“Maybe collaborate with an illustrator to include in the writing”
I was personally planning on drawing the comic myself.
“Pop-up/interactive aspect?”
Hmmmm… interesting. I can’t really imagine how to do that, but it would add another element to my works.
“Let others record you”
Again, going back to the aspect of how other people see me as, but this time giving them the autonomy… Cool!
“Your comic book did look good! Can’t wait to see the refined version 🙂 Could you create physical letters and send them out to the world without any link to yourself? Post them without stamps to invented addresses?”
Thank you for the nice comment ♡ Oeoeoeh, I like those ideas! On the one hand I worry about involving someone who didn’t consent to be involved into my work, no matter how inconsequential it might be, as I don’t know who those letters might reach, especially as the content of those letters is meant to be personal and open. There is also a sense of… almost knowing with a fictional character. It’s not a complete stranger, just someone who cannot respond or receive the letters. The idea is certainly interesting however and might be a cool project to spread openness. It reminds me a bit of the Cameramail project by Matthew McVickar in which he sent a disposable camera around the world asking people to take a picture before sending it back to him. As for the invented addresses, I like how it gives the fictional characters almost a sense of physicality and realness. (Might steal the idea :P)
questions
Who are we?? Are they coded? / Who are the main characters in your book?
Here I wish I included an image of the comic draft in my SOI, as it would have cleared up these questions. But the comic will be about me and my own sense of identity and what I feel like I get my sense of identity from most.
How to make the work relatable?
That is a tricky question and I guess a tricky question for any work that deals with the artist in question as the focal point of the work. I want to keep my own work as open as possible and pass off the questions to my audience: who are you and where do you gain your sense of identity from? During the final crit, it seemed like many people face the same questions and issues: Who are we truly? Can we be ourselves and express ourselves fully? etc. I want my works to be open to these questions and assure everyone that it’s alright to not know the answers to them fully.
suggestions for further research
“I want to see the friction between confidentiality & publication of work. All the best ♡”
Me too, commenter, me too. A fascinating dichotomy that I hadn’t even really thought about before.
More research.
Succinct and to the point. But more research into what, commenter?
“Explore relatable complexities(?) in emotional & social human aspects”
As I understood this comment, it’s about shared personal experiences from various aspects of life. Discussing what was meant in this post-it note with Nayana, she recommended I read ‘The Argonauts’.
Please read the following subject area categories. Select one or more category and use it to reconsider your SOI from a new perspective:
Audience
Who will be my audience and how can I reach them? Those are good questions indeed and not something I had considered before, really. I imagined my audience to be quite broad, but I also know that not one work can reach everyone or appeal to everyone.
The comic I imagine will be put in the publication for Project 6, whatever format or medium that publication will take. I also considered posting it on Instagram to reach a wider audience. While the comic is about me and my own sense of identity, I do want to pass the question onto the audience: what defines you? The way my personal memories, interests, and experiences made me, those same aspects apply to everyone else.
On the other hand, the letters I write to a fictional character aren’t meant to be read by anyone. How can I appeal to an audience that I reject? How can I even show that work to my audience? And how will they perceive my work as: alienating? Obscure?
Thinking about audience, it does make me wonder what the whole point of my outcomes will be. Why should my sense of self, my interests, and my feelings matter to other people? Do they even matter? I want to believe they do, even just a bit. Telling each other about our own experiences is what shapes the world and connects us to others. It’s how we learn and grow. Telling stories is what shaped our societies and cultures. It’s practically ingrained in our being human. Empathy goes a long way, in my opinion, too.
Write a list of tasks and research that you need to follow up on over the Christmas break.
Finish my practitioner essay draft
Draw the refined version of the comic (digitally using Photoshop)
Do some web research into the notion of the self for the essay/article for this project
Decide on whether I want to write an essay or article
Time-Plan: Using the template provided in the SOI handout draft a working time-plan to manage your time effectively.
It was incredibly hard for me to make a time plan, as I have not concretely decided what my final outcomes will be, so it’s hard to plan for something you’re not sure of. I shall work on this over the Christmas break.
Overall, this was an interesting task and does put the work I need to do in perspective. I’m curious how my SOI shall change and develop over time and what it can say about my own way of working.
Anyways, I wish y’all a Happy Christmas and a wonderful New Year! ^ω^ The past half year has been incredibly exhilarating, challenging, and just straight up fun. Here’s to a new year full of that! And good luck with your work too! ❄️
Today we had our final crit for Project Investigate. We (Humanities) held our crit with the Interiors students. As we rarely ever get paired with them, it was super interesting to see their works. The group was also really small, which gave us more than plenty of time for extensive feedback.
I didn’t have that much actual work to present, as most writings I made weren’t finished, too personal, or not worth me showing it (either due to it being too long, on my blog, or it just not being interesting enough). So I mostly just told everyone my thought process and the ideas I have around self-talk, writings to a fictional character, and comics. I also showed the comics I drew.
It seems like my ideas were deemed interesting and for that I am glad, as I had no idea whether any of my ideas were in any way valid or substantial enough to do anything with. That is such a relief, as I am also really intrigued by my ideas and what could potentially be done with them.
Furthermore, everyone else’s works were absolutely amazing! Nayana has put out such a vast variety of works, Ash’s works looked so good and polished and thought out, and Francesca’s work was so exciting!
But today was a longer day than I expected it would be and I am fried. See ya!
I talk to myself. Not always. Often not even out loud. But in my mind I can have hour long discussions with who or whatever my mind decides to talk to. Not in the hallucinatory way, mind you. More like a stepping stone to get a conversation going. Often there is an interviewer asking me something, from a mundane ‘how are you’ to ‘do you consider having been through some childhood trauma and if so what?’. I’m always alone when that happens, so maybe it is my mind or body physically craving some form of social interaction, be it real or all just me. I sometimes feel like there is a quota of words I need to say to stay at peace. When that quota isn’t met, I’ll end up babbling my friends’ ears off the next time we meet. When that quota has been exceeded, I’ll stay quiet for a bit. I think it’s just my mind trying to compartmentalise my thoughts and feelings, to neatly organise the mess in my head, to consider options and possibilities (or sometimes, just to rant about a movie I didn’t like).
In the (excellent, by the way, and totally Emmy snubbed) Amazon show Mr. Robot, the main character, Elliot, talks to the audience. We are his friend. Like Elliot is acknowledging the camera and the viewer behind the lens, as a real entity, which we very well might be to Elliot who suffers from MPD. It creates a fascinating dynamic, as we the audience can actually hear Elliot’s thoughts and feelings and empathise with him, which might otherwise be hard, as Elliot is a socially awkward individual (and unlikable as well in some respects, something that becomes apparent in the latest season of the show, ‘coincidentally’ also the season where Elliot doesn’t talk to the audience).It is befitting that a person like Elliot, someone who sees few good in the world and is existential, would cope with his loneliness by creating ‘us’ to talk to and confide in. My question is, what good is it to have someone like that for all of us? Think of confessionals, except for the guilt and the outside judgement. A form of self-expression that is communicating with just yourself. I realised I do that a lot, not only in the talking to myself like I described earlier, but also writing letters to a fictional character (Bucky becoming to me what we are to Elliot). I mean in a sense, even writing this blog is a bit like that too, right? Without any guarantee that anyone will actually read this, it’s almost a bit like talking to the void right? Tossing a message in a bottle out into the infinite sea of the world wide web.
Studies show that talking to yourself can have many benefits. It helps you organise your thoughts, think things through slowly, and also functions as a way to combat loneliness. Nowadays it might feel like we are more connected than ever through text messaging, social media, etc., but in reality we, as social creatures, do have a need for close (physical) social interactions. In order to fulfil that need for social contact, we can thus end up talking to ourselves, especially when we live alone (like I do).
Super amazingly interesting lecture by Ekua McMorris that really resonated with me. Especially the methodology of autoethnography, which is something I should look into more.
Act I: The past (past meet future)
The object I chose to represent my previous work was an animation I made in my first year of uni. It was clips I filmed around London with my writing and voice on top providing the context of the work. It was a letter I wrote for a fictional character from Marvel, Bucky Barnes, about my experience of living in London. The writing is not particularly amazing, nor are the ideas present in it of particular interest, but the feelings are still ever present to this day. When asked to write about this I wrote:
3rd of March 2016 – Letters to Bucky #11
I rarely think back of these letters I wrote and now I’m confounded, as are these not proof of me loving writing, needing writing, even before I knew I did? The earliest example I can think of for what I am doing now. Even the format something that speaks to me still. An unconventional start: a fanfic I love that broke my heart. Writings directed at a fictional character who is a brainwashed assassin and yet, I can speak to more freely than with my own friends and family. The letters I wrote, I wrote when in a particularly bad place or when pondering on something particular. Though not always. Some were me airing my worries and memories out into a Bucky shaped void. The last letter dated from the darkest day of 2017 to me.
I miss you. Perhaps another letter has been long due.
Act II: The present (past meet present)
We were asked to develop a timeline for our object and how it relates to our practice now. As I was thinking about my object in the first exercise of the previous act, I realised how my practice has subconsciously developed into what it is for many years now. I represented it as a solid line of my active thinking about my letters to Bucky which slowly faded into my subconscious, were brought up for a bit in 2017 only to quickly sink into my subconscious again. In the meantime my interest in writing bubbled and grew in my subconscious and is now bubbling in my conscious a lot.
Act III: The future (future meet past)
How do you envision your work in the future?
6th of December 2019 – Letter to Bucky #15
Dear Bucky,
first of all, thank you for being there for me throughout the years, even without physically being there. Lately I’ve been feeling lonely and hollow and like I could just scream, but with no voice to scream with (both metaphorically, as well as physically for the past week). But I should know I will always have you.
But why is it you? What cosmic faith decided for me to write letters to you out of all people, real and fictious. Would it be better to title these ‘Dear Reader’? But who is that mystical reader? ‘Dear Void’? But the void cannot read, understand, or respond. Not that I’m per say seeking a response or understanding or even reading eyes. And yet, the feeling of writing to a void feels worse somehow. At least like this I can pretend that someone cares. Not that no one cares, but there is a certain level of honesty one can achieve in a letter not meant for anyone. A level of honesty one can reach with yourself and in your subject matter. That is something I am working on however, having written some things to open up about how I feel lately, and it doesn’t feel bad, but I also feel like I cannot fully express myself yet. But I’m working on it. I hope that is something you can take pride in, as well and see that I have grown up a bit more with each passing letter.
Maybe the person I am actually addressing is myself. A letter from me to me under the guise of a fictional character who coincidentally has a birthday that is the day before my own. I did wonder that as well back in 2015. This format does have a diary-esque quality of venting my own thoughts and feelings and keeping them hidden, keeping them for future reference. Yet, there is dialogue too, in a sense. A question to you. Addressing you. There is a ‘you’. Or is there?
Aaaaaghh, this is confusing, but so intriguing. A format to re-explore and re-contextualise. In a way, this reminds me of my consideration of talking to oneself. I often do that, especially when I’m alone. A fantasy of an attentive audience, someone interested in my thoughts. Perhaps you are just that as well.
Maybe I am just lonely… Lonely and afraid of being heard. I realise now that in the past 4 and a half years, I have both changed tremendously and not at all. The content of these letters remains the same. Questions, ponderings, and loneliness. I wonder what I can do with these in the future.
The lack of confidence I have in my voice is taking a blow from being inaudible. The silent one silenced even further. Croaking like a frog. I hate it.
On a lighter note (but not too high, as I won’t be able to say it otherwise), I have finally some clarity on what I want to do for a major work. I just don’t really know how in a sense valid it is. I want to look more into the comic as an autobiographical medium. Inspired by American Born Chinese, I want to discuss my own sense of identity through the comic book, as upon further reflection, what appeals me to the comic is the boundless versatility of the medium. In an independent comic there are few rules to be constricted by.
My biggest concern is my own conflict with the validity of a project like this, as opposed to taking a topic and discussing it. I’m not sure how much I will be able to present at a level high enough to near Masters. I certainly don’t want to seem narcissistic or like an egomaniac either. But maybe that is my own lack of self-confidence and self-worth dictating how I should feel about myself and the value I hold.
Furthermore, I feel like this might be the topic I’ve been thinking about all this time while on the course (and maybe even beyond that, in my life). In Manifesto I wrote about what art entails and how we can judge the metrics of art. In Navigators I wrote about the identity of London and yourself through food. In Artefact I wrote about the value of items through ownership. Even the topic of the research proposal being on cosplay has identity as a central point. While at first glance the topics might seem disconnected, I find that the main theme in all of them is this sense of identity. Identifying the artist, identity through food, imbuing identity onto objects, changing identity.
First of all, what does identity even entail? How can one identify themselves and others? To what extent is identity formed by yourself and by your environment? I am lucky in a sense as I can talk about and see myself separately from other people’s opinions (though being Asian has its own setbacks and prejudices. This video touched upon many points I myself felt as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8_RMuTgjfY).
Because of that I decided to draw a couple comics where I briefly talk about what my identity is/what identity means to me. I want to keep the style simple, so mostly simple line drawings and simple light colours. Mostly inspired by Yuasa Masaaki’s works (The Tatami Galaxy, Ping-Pong The Animation), as they resonate highly with me. (edit: the character designs and illustrations for The Tatami Galaxy and The Night is Short Walk on Girl are by illustrator Yusuke Nakamura who does amazing colourful works ♡)
The Cartoon Museum was very nice. Perhaps I should consider volunteering there once?
My problem with choosing a practitioner for my essay is that I for one have commitment issues and am bad at making decisions. But also, I would like to write my essay about someone that relates to my practice for stage 2. And that is the crux of my predicament: I don’t know what to do.
Also an issue with comic book artists and writers is that, unless they are indie/alternative comic artists and writers, they usually work under a bigger company (DC/Marvel/Vertigo, etc.). One can wonder about how much creative freedom they have under said companies (especially for emerging artists). And also, does the work they produce under said companies contribute to their wider oeuvre? Or can they be classified as a means to provide food on the table? The flip side of a big publisher is that works published via them can have a wider reach and can be thus more accessible and well-known. What I’m trying to say is: I am having a hard time picking a practitioner for my essay, even when narrowing the topic down to comics.
And I guess another complication is the fact that a lot of comics have a different artist and writer. Does one talk about the art or the story? Both elements are crucial in a comic book and are very interconnected. The writer needs to relay their ideas well to an artist and the artist needs to realise those ideas in the form of drawings. But the writer also needs to leave space for the artist to flourish, both metaphorically, as well as physically.
The UK Comics Laureate exists. The first person to receive it was Dave Gibbons who is the artist of Alan Moore’s TheWatchmen. Honestly, I couldn’t think of anyone better suited to be the first Laureate holder. His work is so famous and influential and etc. TheWatchmen especially was a famous and medium shaping work that, along with The DarkKnight, shifted the perception of comics, and especially superhero comics, from childish to something serious and worth artistic merits.
The second was Charlie Adlard, artist of The Walking Dead by Robert Kirkman. He himself described feeling not particularly worthy of the title in a sense, but did advocate for comics as a form of literature for children with dyslexia as his own son is dyslexic.
The current holder of the laureate is Hannah Berry. I hadn’t heard of her before this, but I got her debut graphic novel Britten and Brühlightly and it is a stunning piece of work. A noir detective story starring a depressed man in a midlife crisis feeling the weight of the lives he has ruined on his shoulders stronger than ever taking up a case in the hopes of at last not break someone’s heart. The amount of work that must have been put into writing and painting the comic is highly impressive! I am curious to check out more of her work, especially Likestock.
Musings mouse ᘛ⁐̤ᕐᐷ 